Got Mad? These Tips Will Help Tame your Temper

(Before they come and take you away and put you with some Really Mad people, and no, you will not enjoy their company.)
While looking around at the various websites on offer about emotional control, there's a clear lack of humor - here we try and address this oversight. Also, please note that roughly 18% of adults in the U.S. suffer from an anxiety disorder. As mental illness reaches epidemic proportions, innovative solutions and effective treatment options are required. Washington politicians are NOT helping - ANYONE!
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  1. Take a Time Out...
  2. Practice Relaxation...
  3. Good Links are all around...

Fuming today because someone cut you off in traffic? Blood pressure zooming sometimes when your child refuses to cooperate? Does ANY LITTLE THING set you off?! Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a positive way. And no, it is NOT normal that ANYTHING sets you off!. Uncontrolled anger can have a very destructive effect on your health and hurt those around you. Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these anger management tips to help get you to a point where your mood does not shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else.


1. Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.
Clearly the whole world would be a different place if we could all do what the blue-eyed angel opposite suggests ALL the time - don't hold your breath.

2. Once you're calm, express your anger

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
Easy words to say, but if you just wait a bit, take a few breaths, you will be calmer, and try the above without screaming - and yes, if you could see your calm self from outside, you would see beauty.
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You should realize that it is hard for most people to change, just as it is to overcome your own anger. That's why we like to watch the Mr. Scrooge story [A Christmas Carol] every year - someone actually changed!.

Better to try and explain your own anger - much as we like to see the hairy lapdog get what he deserves, slapping others does not really help - it can start a world war.

3. Get some exercise

Physical activity will help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a walk or even run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities. There is a direct effect, as this stimulates your vagus nerve which has an excellent calming effect. Some people even have a vagus nerve stimulator inserted with a remote control, it works so well.
The only exercise some people get is RUNNING their mouth; JUMPING to conclusions and PUSHING their luck - not everyone can be calm all the time, and many (in America) have guns - so Watch Out!. Luckily, human lives are usually quite long, so while the statement at left might be true for people sometimes, it is certainly not true all the time (Phew).
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Take a Time-Out - and Identify Possible Solutions ...

4. Take a timeout

Time-outs aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.
Let's be clear here - usually you know what will stress you out, and you know when it is coming - so you CAN get ready by taking a restful break just before that time. The question really is - Will you do so?

5. Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on your madness, work on resolving the issue at hand.
Does your child's messy room drive you crazy?
Close the door, and let it go.
Is your partner late for dinner every night? Messy in the kitchen?
Eat on your own! Sing while you clean up!
Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.
The diagram at right just makes one exhausted by reading it. Do you really want to spend so much time being angry?
These marvelous Minion characters work patiently with their dreadful overlords. Echos of slavery ring down the centuries and are not altogether silent in today's (2019) world. If you can be bothered to read some books about it, the total disgusting awfulness of man's treatment of man over thousands of years can be a very shocking realization, going a long way to helping sober you up and calm you down. There's plenty of work to do on this subject, on which we could better spend our energy.
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 Proposing a solution - Once again, easier said than done, but nonetheless true for all that. A certain amount of whining is normal, but at some point you really should suggest a solution.

6. Stick with 'I' statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework."

We can briefly refer to the subject of vengeance - Cute though the sentiments expressed at left may be, the reality of Karma must stay our hand(s)! - Hence the age-old saying - Woe to (s)he who is the instrument of karma - They are not kidding!.

Revenge is (partly) what movies are for! Please! You are allowed watch with pleasure, exulting as the bad guy finally gets what he richly deserves, without bringing the inevitable payback that ALWAYS comes to those who are the instruments of Karma - It's only a movie.
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7. Don't hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you always allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

Get to a point where your mood does not shift based on the usually insignificant actions of someone else.

We can accept that cannot control the feelings, beliefs or behaviors of others. Try to be realistic and accept that people are the way they are. You cannot change how other people behave or think but you can change how you deal with others, working on a positive attitude.


Please understand that WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR TEMPER - I LOSE MY APPETITE - for food, for being around you, for wanting to be nice to you. And it takes a while, once you calm down, for these feelings to go away. Is this a surprise?
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The simple act of laughing -

- can go along way to reduce anger, especially over the longer term. Be aware that although laughing can help you feel better you need to make sure there is no danger of misinterpretation. Try to ensure the angry person does not think you are laughing at them.

8. Use humor to release tension

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

The only exercise some people get is RUNNING their mouth; JUMPING to conclusions and PUSHING their luck -

Breathe Slowly and Relax

Try to reverse the physical symptoms of anger by practising
some simple breathing exercises. Breathing exercises can help you to relax and slow your heart rate to more normal levels (Who knew!?).
When you start to feel tense and stressed, take a few minutes and concentrate on relaxing and calm, steady breathing (Yes, please do take the time!):
Inhale and exhale deeply 3 or 4 times in a row.
Count slowly to four as you inhale.
Count slowly to eight as you exhale.
Focus on feeling the air move in and out of your lungs.
Concentrate and feel your ribs slowly rise and fall as you repeat the exercise.
When you feel dizzy, it might be enough!

Proven Buddhist mental practice

It is interesting to realize, that even now, in 2019, neuroscience does not have even a theory to describe consciousness; that is, no one has any idea what is consciousness. This is all the more surprising considering other huge advances and accuracy in so many other fields.

However, Buddhists have been investigating the mind for thousands of years, and have considerable useful knowledge. Let’s quote Yongey Mingyur here, writing as a young man in 2007 -
“For three days I stayed in my room meditating, using many of the techniques … . Gradually I began to recognize how feeble and transitory the thoughts and emotions actually were that had troubled me for so many years, and how fixating on small problems had turned them into big ones. Just by sitting quietly and observing how rapidly, and in many ways illogically, my thoughts and emotions came and went, I began to recognize in a direct way that they weren’t nearly as solid or real as they appeared to be. And once I let go of my belief in the story they seemed to tell, I began to see the “author” beyond them – the infinitely vast, infinitely open awareness that is the nature of mind itself.
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The experience is immeasurably peaceful, and once stabilized through repeated experience, virtually unshakable. It’s an experience of absolute well-being that radiates through all physical, emotional and mental states – even those that might ordinarily be labeled as unpleasant.
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It took about two more weeks of concentrated practice to conquer my [earlier anxieties], and to realize through direct experience the truth of what I had been taught.
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The sense of peace, confidence, and well-being that resulted from this experience … has never wavered. I take no personal credit for this transformation in my experience, because it has only come about through the effort to apply directly the truth handed down by those who had preceded me.”

What can we take away from these words? Simply that, if we put our minds to it, within a matter of weeks we can cure ourselves of taking seriously the blathering inconsequential stupidity that is most of our thoughts, and achieve a permanent sense of well-being, as we will have “risen above” day-to-day nonsense, while retaining all reasonable and rational faculties.

He further states that once he had achieved this understanding, he could freely dedicate himself to … - “[when] a person commits himself or herself to the welfare of others he or she is repaid a thousandfold by opportunities for learning and advancement. Every kind word, every smile you offer someone who might be having a bad day, comes back to you in ways you’d never expect. … the explanation has a lot to do with the principles of biology and physics I learned … with masters of modern science.”

Phew! Just like our mothers always told us!

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Practice Relaxation in many ways ...
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9. Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

And you may need reminding - that WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR TEMPER - I LOSE MY APPETITE - for loving you, for food, for being around you, for wanting to be nice to you. And it takes a while, once you calm down, for these feelings to dissipate. Is this a surprise?

10. Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

Note the sage advice at right - LEAVE ME ALONE - which is probably NOT what you want, but you are getting it. So even when you have calmed down by next day, your best beloveds will still want to leave you alone. Maybe not what you wanted.


Morgan Freeman knows about this too - among other wise things, he says "Self-control is strength. Calmness is mastery. You have to get to a point where your mood does not shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Don't allow others to control the direction of your life. Don't allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence"

That seems pretty clear! No doubt even the Buddha would approve - as does Yongey Mingyur as quoted.


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Anger ruins joy,

Steals the goodness of my mind,

Forces my mouth

To say terrible things.


Sidestepping anger brings

Peace of mind

With no regrets.


If I overcome anger I will be

Delightful and loved

By everyone.


Good Links are all around ...
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THESE ARE THE SAME LINKS AS THE MENU AT TOP LEFT - IT'S ALL THE SAME SUBJECT AND MOST OF US HAVE THE SAME WEAKNESSES

Here's a nice PDF booklet you can look at (and download) if you need a little more encouragement - LINK HERE
And maybe, just maybe, some advice on how to control yourself with meditation (both are very good!) - LINK HERE (Short one) - and another one HERE (Longer one).
And here we have a dedicated website -  Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) - Who knew? - Find it - HERE

Much of the above comes from the Mayo Clinic - you can find the original at -  https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434
Also, this provides decent insight and suggestions - https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/anger-management.html
In Scotland, they have very long, very dark and dank winters. By about February each year, partners tend to blame each other. Here's a helpful set of pages - https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/mental-wellbeing/anger-management/why-am-i-so-angry




Please note these instructions may change, so this information may not be up-to-date - but will it matter? We humans do not change our characters so easily!.
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